Not As We
by ForeverXxDecember
Summary: A continuation of what I started in 'Christmas Interlude' - Miranda learns to cope with Sirius' death.


Not As We.

A/N: Title taken from the song Not As We by Alanis Morissette, Miranda is my own original character/creation. I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling does.

 _Reborn and shivering_

 _Spat out on new terrain_

 _Unsure unconvincing_

 _This faint and shaky hour_

Miranda felt numb. She had gotten waylaid at Hogwarts with a student and missed the battle that had gone down in the department of mysteries. She had arrived only to be greeted by Harry's heartbroken face and Remus' guilty one. She had immediately deduced what no one seemed to be willing to voice out loud to her, despite the obvious absence of her partner.

Sirius was gone.

 _Day one, day one_

 _Start over again_

 _Step one, step one_

 _I'm barely making sense_

 _For now I'm faking it_

 _Till I'm pseudo making it_

 _From scratch, begin again_

 _But this time I as I and not as we_

It seemed that fate just had it out to be cruel to her, she reflected bitterly as she packed her bags to leave Hogwarts for the summer. Sirius had been her soulmate, her other half, the one person in life that completed her. Even when she believed that he had killed Lily and James Potter she had still loved him. She had gone about her life for thirteen years knowing that she may never see him again, and being okay with that as long as he was alive and healthy, knowing deep in her heart that he would never have stooped so low as to kill his best friends, no matter what Peter Pettigrew seemed determined to tell people.

 _Gun shy and quivering_

 _Timid without a hand_

 _Feign brave with steel intent_

 _Little and hardly here_

"Penny for your thoughts?" a quiet voice interrupted her internal monologue, the voice laced with almost as much grief and exhaustion as she was sure her own would reflect.

She turned and offered a wane smile to the figure standing at her door. " Remus." She paused as her eyes filled with tears and took a deep steadying breath before continuing. "We seem to be the last of the Marauder's still standing."

 _Day one, day one_

 _Start over again_

 _Step one, step one_

 _I'm barely making sense_

 _For now I'm faking it_

 _Till I'm pseudo making it_

 _From scratch, begin again_

 _But this time I as I and not as we_

He acknowledged her comment by bowing his head, his own grief threatening to overshadow everything. "The two of us and Wormtail," he stated bitterly, almost spitting the words out. He moved to help her zip her suitcase shut and took the handle from her when she moved to take it and begin to leave the room. "Molly sent me." He said next, giving her a side glance as they exited her living quarters and headed for the exit to the castle. "She wants you to go stay at The Burrow for the summer. You can see Harry when Dumbledore lets him leave the Dursley's…"

"And I won't be alone at 12 Grimmauld Place." She finished quietly, avoiding his gaze when they stopped at the front doors to the castle. "Can't let the poor grieving widow spend the summer alone, who knows if she will even survive."

Lupin winced at her tone of voice and placed a hand on her shoulder turning her carefully to face him. He peered into her emerald green eyes, clouded with exhaustion, and grief. "It's not like that. Molly just wants you to have someplace to land. A fresh start." He paused, searching for the right words. "To build something for just you, and not anyone else."

 _Eyes wet…_

Her eyes filled again, and he pulled her into a rough hug, the suitcase forgotten on the steps behind them. "You lost your soulmate, Mira." his voice was quiet. "We've lost all of our close friends." He choked on the next words before regaining his composure. "Is it really so bad that the Weasley's want to help you grieve? Help you see your Godson?" he held her tightly as her shoulder's shook, and when her knees gave out a moment later he lowered them both to the ground, concern for his friend overriding his own grief momentarily.

The friends were quiet as Lupin rocked Miranda gently while she cried all of her tears out. After several minutes she lifted her head from his shoulder, wiping at her eyes to remove the tears that still fell. Together they stood again, and Remus grabbed her suitcase. The resumed their walk to the end of the Hogwarts grounds which would allow them to apparate. They were almost off of Hogwarts grounds when she finally spoke. "I'll go stay with them."

Remus smiled gently at her. "Good."

"You're right you know. I need something for me, not for us." She said quietly. "I held on to him for thirteen years, and the time that we had together of the last year was wonderful… but now he's gone, and I need to figure out what to do next."

With those last words Remus offered Miranda his arm, and together they apparated to The Burrow.

It would take time, but she would learn to be just her again.


End file.
